However it did not come as a shock that Husband voiced out that he wanted to start a family. I was of course, hesitated. I could not stand crying children and shy away from taking care of babies. How good of a mother I can be? How prepared would I be?
As our marriage entered 4 months old, I was confirmed to be pregnant. Tears swelled onto my eyes, no they weren't quite tears of happiness. I was sobbing every night in my sleep for the next couple of weeks upon discovering the news. I wasn't quite prepared yet to be a mother.
Days and months passed by and I tried to build a love for my unborn child, yet I feel little. It wasn't until the day of my labour that the feeling came. As I was battling over life and death in the labour room, with my Husband next to me, I said to him during the final stage of labour, "I will try. I will try". I tried and I tried to push her out and finally there she was, out to the world and in my hands.
As she lied pronated on my chest crying and I looked into her eyes, I felt a sense of warmth. I was holding my child. My husband kissed me and said "I love you baby". Nurses and my gynae congratulated me - it was an easy birth, they said.
I look at her, I feel so thankful to have given the chance to hold this baby in my hands, to see her first smile, to hear her first babble. To feed her when she is hungry. To nurse her when she is sick. And the best thing is to have her smiling and laughing as my Husband rolls her on the bed and carries her up in the air. The worst thing, is to think of my past upon discovering the baby.
So mothers, if you feel what I felt before, please know that being mothers are a beautiful feeling. You'll discover very early or if you are like me, you will discover it at a time that I was. I have never stopped thanking God, for the beautiful gift He sent me. I will duly serve you Aisyah, as your mother.